Surprise! I have several biological children-none of which I gave birth to: Becoming an Egg Donor (not circus related, but one of my FAQs when talking to people)

Being an Egg Donor

A few years ago I began considering becoming an egg donor.  My roommate had always wanted to be one but couldn’t because she had a history of cancer in her family.   She told me I should think about it.  I had never really considered donating before and really had no idea what the process was or how many women actually struggled with being able to conceive.  As women I think most of us just assume we will be able to have a baby without any problems, but a shocking number of women have an extremely hard time getting pregnant, even if they are in good health.  Lots of them go through years of treatments that may never work.  I understand why people think that couples should just adopt, but there is something to be said for the experience of carrying a child and getting to bring life into the world, which I believe is priceless, and for some people that is all they have ever wanted.  Also, adoption carries several risks with it that many couples have a hard time facing.  In talking to some, I was told that they had gone through the adoption process; they had the room ready and went to the hospital only to be told that the mother had changed her mind (they have 24 hours after birth to reverse their decision).  The couple was crushed, and couldn’t bear to get their hopes up for adoption again.  This is why I decided to become an egg donor. 

I have now completed the process 3 times.  Each time, I talked extensively with the prospective parents and got to know them better and we agreed to have open communications.  I really appreciated this because it allowed me peace of mind in knowing that I was giving a gift to people who really wanted it and were going to love and care for a child, and be entirely honest with them. 

Being an egg donor does have its downsides and you are taking a risk, as you do with any medical procedure, but I have been very blessed in most of my cycle, and talking to the parents definitely makes everything worth it.  They have been through so much and are so incredibly appreciative.  When I met in person with the first couple I donated to, I actually got to meet the baby and talk to them about everything.  They cried and thanked me for helping them complete their family.  Even though that had been a tough cycle, I knew I wanted to give more loving families the same opportunity.

The Nitty Gritty:

How does one become an egg donor?

Most people become donors through a mediating organization.  These organizations have you apply and fill out a profile, which goes into everything from your entire family’s health history, to your SAT scores and how often you exercise.  The questions are thorough and in depth. The first requirement obviously is having very healthy genetics.  There are also mental and physical screneings, to determine one’s eligibility.  Even if you meet all the requirement to donate, you may or may not be selected by a couple.  Usually they say it takes several months before someone may pick you (although I was picked within a few weeks). Many parents look for people who are similar to themselves, in both perspective and appearance. The mom wants someone similar to her so that the baby feels more like her own.  They also look for high intellect, athleticism, overall health etc.  One couple told me they liked me because they were both musicians and I played the cello.  Another told me that they liked that I was raised on a farm and studied business, and thought I would be very practical, then I told them that I joined the circus after college…they sort of raised their eyebrows and said..”o, that’s not practical at all..” but they were still good with it.  Once you are selected, the real process begins.

What is the process?/medications/risks

What I found fascinating was just how much I learned about the female anatomy and the reproductive process itself.  After you are selected by a prospective couple, you are given the option to accept or reject their offer (I interviewed each couple before accepting, but you can choose a closed option where everything is anonymous and there is no contact with the parents.  After an agreement is made, you have to go in for physicals and assessments.  After the doctor gives the go ahead to the parents, there is a lot of legal paperwork to get through, this process could take months, depending on how many edits are made and how fast the lawyers work (and they get paid by the hour). Once the legal stuff is taken care of covering compensation, terms and conditions, giving up of your rights to doctors etc, the fun stuff starts (semi-sarcasm).  Once paperwork has been signed and medical treatments start, you are obligated to follow all instructions and conditions given by doctors-including taking all medications and vitamins, abstaining from anything risky, unhealthy, or detrimental to the process-including alcohol, tobacco, any other drugs, sex, etc.  It also means you are required to be wherever they tell you to be, when ever they tell you to be, even if that means getting on a plane the next day to go to a half an hour check up thousands of miles away, and fly back the same day.  This can get pretty crazy.  But it is worth it, and all costs are covered. 

           

The medications themselves usually consist of a specific type of birth control and hormone regulations, then hormone stimulant to mature eggs that would otherwise be lost, and eventually a trigger shot which releases all of the mature eggs for retrieval.  FYI- as most people know, every month you have one egg (2 for non-identical twins) that is released from a follicle in the ovaries during ovulation, which if fertilized, becomes a baby.  What many people don’t know, is that you have a finite amount of eggs, and even though only one or 2 may be released into the uterus, there are usually 10-20 eggs that expire that same month, sitting in non-developed follicles.  The body disposes of these eggs during monthly menstruation.  The medication given during the donating process, matures all of these eggs in their follicles, so that they can be collected to make potential embryos. Also, for those of you who are needle-shy, the medications usually consist of multiple, self-induced shots a day, along with pills.

            

The end of the process as an egg donor can get pretty uncomfortable.  Since the body goes from normally developing and swelling one follicle, to swelling up to 25. My first cycle, both of my ovaries swelled to mango size, so I looked about 6 months pregnant. It was not ideal, and made me rethink the prospect of pregnancy.  The extraction itself is treated as a full-on surgery, but only takes about 20 minutes and is done entirely intervaginally, so no outward incisions or scar tissue.  Like any surgery it has its risks, but I have never had a bad reaction, other than the typical post surgery pain, which varies by cycle.  I have had one that kept me unable to stand for several days and another that felt completely back to normal within 48 hours.

A couple of other FAQs

Does it weird me out knowing that technically I have biological children in the world?

Not at all.  I think about it the same as if I were donating an organ.  Though my DNA forms half of the blue prints, I am by no means their parent, and all of the chemical exchanges and bonds are formed during the actual pregnancy, which is why the process is so amazing.  The mother is the mother, and shares her body with her child.

As a Christian, how do I feel about donating to non-christians?

The way I see it, if I didn’t donate, someone else would and they would still have a child.  This way the person they are receiving the egg from is praying for them and the baby, and they have someone in their life who does love God and wants to be an example and share that love with them.